Movie Theater 101
Long lines at a movie theater have always been a pet peeve of mine. Call me impatient, an asshole, a jerk, or whatever insults you may carry, just leave a message after the beep. If you want some tips on how NOT to be when going to a movie, keep reading…
Rule #1: Always Look Ahead Of Time
There are several methods to look up movie times now days. The internet and news paper are your best bet. Or you can do it old fashion and call up your local theater and listen to the pre-recorded message. Never show up just randomly. You’ll always miss a movie by 15 minutes or the next one wont be for 2 hours. It always happens and you know it always happens so don’t trust your gut because it’s always going to be wrong.
Rule #2: Never Bring An Infant
I know I know…showing off your new born is what all parents like to do. You can’t just leave your baby at home and finding a baby sitter who isn’t glued to an iphone is hard these days. This one is simple. Don’t fucking do it. I don’t pay $30 bucks to listen to your child cry during the whole movie. They have no idea what’s going on and it’s probably not good for their ears. Most parents wont be lucky like mine and have a baby who is quiet and minds its own business. I guess that’s why I’m considered the “Golden Child”. Stay at home, watch netflix, change diapers, do your parent thing.
Rule #3: Mental Notes (Know Your Cravings)
They have so many options to choose from when it comes to snacks. Everything from hot dogs, pizza, nachos, pretzels, popcorn, candies, soda, ice cream and some times beer if you’re lucky. Do me and the rest of the people a favor and stop staring at the food and order something. When I wake up in the morning and decide to go to a movie in 12 hours, I already know exactly what I’m going to get. Large popcorn with no butter, a large orange Hi-C and a box of Buncha Crunch. You don’t need a large pizza or a mountain of nachos with a gallon of cheese on it. It’s only gonna go straight to your ass and you’ll bitch about it next week.
Rule #4: Avoid Your Horde
If you have a family of 3 or more. Stay home until half of them are 18+.
If you’ve seen the movie before and you’re watching it again. Shut the fuck up. I don’t need to hear you repeating every line a few seconds before its actually said. I didn’t pay to hear your annoying voice and I’d much rather hear it from the actors on screen who make more money than you.
Rule #6: Cell Phone Usage
They always tell you in the beginning to turn off your phones. I understand no one is really going to turn them off. So please put them on silent. We are so wrapped up with what every is doing every 30 seconds. It’s an addiction and we are all guilty of it. As much as I wish a huge EMP bomb would go off and disable everything for a week, it’s not gonna happen. That Facebook notification can wait. Your stupid tweet that isn’t going to be retweeted can wait.
Rule #7: Curtain Call
Please exit out the door in an orderly fashion. Do not talk about what you just saw because for the love of all things holy we just fucking saw it.
Posted on January 25, 2013, in It Just Makes Sense, Things To Think About and tagged 101, Common Sense, I'm An Asshole, It Just Makes Sense, Movies, Popcorn, Theater. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.